4th of July, A Second but a First...

Booms, bangs, and bug spray were a small fraction of our 4th of July celebration. Because you see, this isn't our first 4th of July with Mikayla. Last year she was 2 and a half weeks old and about 2 and a half pounds. The NICU was still feeling new and crazy, and chaos was only half of the feeling. There was fear of not knowing what in the heck was going on, physical pain from my c-section not healing, feelings of being alone/homesick were starting to set in, but most importantly there was love. A love for this little girl I watched day and night, a love so strong, so consuming, that it made everything else not really matter. I am lucky enough to have a great family and some great friends that didnt let me be alone for too long at all. I am so thankful to all of them. I love you guys!

Last year on 4th of July my best friend, Heath, came up for the weekend-- like he had been doing and continued to do until we came home. But 4th of July is his Christmas! He would never miss the chance to blow things up and play with fireworks, except to make sure we weren't alone. After the 9 o' clock hands on that night we made sure she was settled in for the night and he made me go outside, like every weekend, to just get out and get some fresh air. So we started to take a walk and heard the big booms and if you looked just through the skywalk towards Bricktown you could just see the big fireworks that they put on. And then it was over, and it didn't even seem like the 4th of July it just seemed like any night of any month of any year. When you have a baby in the NICU you just run on a constant autopilot. You shower to pass time, you cant really remember if you have eaten that week or if you have taken pain medicine (until it is time to have your wound packed...then you remember). But you can remember every day how many wet/dirty diapers she has had, how many cc's she ate, how many brady's and desats she has had, and when to pump to make sure she has plenty of milkie. We were up there for 9 weeks and 3 days, and though they were the longest of my life, they will be the shortest of hers and that is all that matters.

This year it was a bittersweet moment. It felt so good to have her home and be with my friends and family. But at the same time it brought back all of the memories from the NICU and her first 4th of July that we spent in the NICU trying to peek at fireworks through a skywalk lol. Not all of my memories from the NICU are bad, most are wonderful. I met wonderful people that are nurses and mom/dads like we were. I also got to get back to being close to my best friend, we had a lot of catching up to do. There is a fountain outside in one of the buildings outside of the Childrens ER that had tables and chairs and made for great late night conversations, and a lot of just sitting and listening to nothing. By the fountain there were no alarms going off only the water. It was a sanctuary in the chaos. However I am soo thankful we had a normal, very nice fireworks show this year. It was wonderful to be home and celebrate Kaykay's first real 4th of July.

Okay enough of my ramblings lol. Here are some pictures of our special day.